Book Review No 32: Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi

Originally known as Amanda Rogers, Portia de Rossi had her first major movie role in Sirens with Elle McPherson and Hugh Grant. A couple of years later she had her big break in Hollywood with a role in the top rating TV show Ally McBeal. Outwardly Portia was living the dream of any young aspiring actress, but behind the scenes she was in the savage grip of Anorexia Nervosa - an eating disorder that would dominate her life for many years to come.

Growing up in Geelong, Portia (then Amanda) had dreams of stardom and was driven to try modeling while still a teenager. Although she enjoyed a somewhat successful career, Portia was riddled with self doubt - an affliction that would continue to haunt her despite her star being on the rise. Portia's other "shameful secret" was the fact she was a lesbian - something she went to extraordinary lengths to hide from the Hollywood gossip columns.

For those of us fortunate enough not to have suffered any kind of eating disorder, it is difficult to comprehend just how completely it takes over your life. Portia explains in excruciating detail just how her whole existence revolved around the miniscule amount of food she allowed herself each day. As a reader it was annoying at times to hear about quantities and calories over and over again, yet at the same time it gave a great insight into just what Portia's thought processes were. To have to live like that must have been unbearable.

Portia's wake up call came when she collapsed on the set of a movie she was filming (weighing under 40 kg). Forced to admit she had a problem, it was the first step on a journey of healing. Meeting and falling in love with Ellen de Generes completed that journey.

This was a well-written and easy to read book. My only complaint be that while it detailed the eating disorder in great detail, I thought Portia's recovery was glossed over a little. Overall, however it is an inspiring book that illustrates the dark side of the Hollywood dream and that appearances are not always what they seem. On a more positive note it gives hope that eating disorders can be overcome as long as you are prepared to face some demons along the way.